Elsie’s wisdom - and my mother’s.
Every situation has a gift! It’s your job to find what the gift is.
My mother’s key take-away from life. There were a few situations she excluded. I don’t think I do.
COVID was a gift for me. My Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in late 2019. COVID allowed me to travel to Europe and to see her during the semester (something I was never able to do before), because everyone was online anyway.I want to raise my children such that they do the right thing when nobody is watching.
The year was 1997 and I was being asked by a psychologist what my goal in child rearing was. This was what I answered on the spot and I still subscribe to this in 2024. I am still happy that I did not define what “the right thing” is. Knowing that is up to the kids, too.
He gives love and he takes it away.
My description of the Ex to said psychologist when they asked me to describe his relationship with the children. He was doing that with me, too - and it’s a key ingredient of many abusive relationships.If you can’t explain a topic with simple words, you didn’t understand the topic well enough.
I have not found a situation where this was untrue, and I admire people who can simplify things for normal people. Ivan explains G-protein coupled receptors like nobody else. I felt like I got it for the first time when he explained it.Fake it until you make it.
This one is a little iffy, but there is a grain of truth in it. If my brain is a mess, my environment reflects that. Once my brain is better, my environment gets better. But sometimes, I can clean the environment, and it helps the brain get better. Wag the dog, so to speak.
The trauma and/or abuse did not make you stronger!
Do not give any credit for your strength to your abuser! You are only here, because you found the strength to survive. You found it in you to go on; others were not so lucky. You lived despite the abuse. Imagine what you could have accomplished had you received support instead.
Some people are given more than they can handle.
This “you’re not given more than you can handle” nonsense needs to stop! It’s BULL! Problem is that dead people don’t tell any tales and life’s short for everyone.Don’t mistake kindness for weakness.
This is a relatively new one. I struggled with trust for a long time. I have never struggled with kindness. They must be so proud of themselves - it was like taking candy from a baby!Don’t give them rent free space in your head.
That’s a big one. It served me very well.
Time does NOT heal all wounds! You just learn to live with the pain.
Another one from my mother - you never get over the death of a child. It will never make sense - it will never go away - you just learn to live with the pain.
I know there are more - and I will add as I remember them. I do have to find little pearls like that for my current understanding of life.
The boundary thing, for example - I struggle with it. I now get why it’s something where the other person does not have to do anything. But that in an of itself does not make the issue clearer - it just makes you think. It’s a check not a guide.
Squandering your attention - and time - or both, is another one I struggle with. “Hope”, Nietzsche said, “in reality is the worst of all evils…”
Why? Because hope keeps you going. You strive to bring out the best in them, and you just know that you can.
This is why Nietzshe days: "Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man”
Do you have words to live by? Whole sentences that keep popping back into your head to remind you of something or guide you?
Oh - FAN-tastic article today !! Thank you !!
You could submit this one to your local newspaper too !!
Love this. Wonderful wisdom in here. I love all of them.
Thank you for writing this up!