Basil is the best son in law.
He loves my daughter.
He loves her like my father loved my mother.
That boy carried a torch for my girl since he was in high school.
And she had no idea what to do with a boy.
They have a daughter together.
He loves their daughter, too.
That little one will always tell people that she’s Daddy’s favorite - and she is.
And she will be his favorite forever.
But at some point, she may learn, that he will protect her Mom against the daughter, if need be.
Because he loves her Mom most of all. He’ll protect her no matter what.
I remember crossing that line with my Dad at one point as a teen.
I don’t remember what I said to my Mom, but whatever it was, it was disrespectful to my Mom and Dad informed me (with words) that he was not going to have it: I was not going to disrespect my Mom as long as he had something to do with it.
He loved me with all of his heart - but he would protect her even against me, when that’s what was the right thing to do.
I was so incredibly hurt at first - after all I was his favorite - how dare he put me in my place against Mom!
But then it made me happy - for my Mom.
Mom’s husband should feel that way about her. She invested all of her life in him. He better go to bat for her.
The husband’s primary relationship is with the partner and vice versa.
I would need to find my own husband.
Oops….that didn’t quite work out for me.
Oh well.
But it’s working out for my kid.
She’s got a great husband - and that baby has a great Dad.
My presence in their lives can help their relationship survive!
I’m going to have to let that sink in for a second -
My presence in their life will likely improve their marriage.
Basil knows that.
Basil knows that his wife needs something he can’t give her - a friend that she can complain to about him!
Basil knows that I can be trusted to be that friend. I can’t be the only friend, but I can be that friend until there are others.
Most of their friends are his friends as he’s much more social than she is. But that makes her lonely. Having the social mother in town may be helpful to get her out of that social slump she’s in.
A third trusted adult to help take care of the kid would be helpful to them.
I could be that trusted adults. They have many other trusted adults, but I am the only grandparent they trust to leave the kid with.
It’s also an opportunity for me to “correct some wrongs”: This father would support his daughter learning German. This father would let me be whatever crazy grandma I want to be for his daughter, because he knows that I am good for this kid - and that I respect their parental role completely. This father knows my heart. This father is listening to me. This father wants to understand me, because he hopes that through understanding me, he will understand his wife.
We could make this work.
Basil and I could make this work for his wife and the munchkin.
Basil calls me Mom - and he means it with the honor it is.