I love how my brain works.
If that’s ADHD, Autism, BP or C-PTSD or all of the above, I really enjoy the highs … and I don’t actually mind the lows all that much. What’s a tear or two in the big scheme of things.
The trick is to have the space, time and environment to shed the tear.
Right now I can’t seem to work. Oh well. Not the end of the world. Take a day or two. It will be OK.
You are not that crucial at your work.
In the meantime, figure out what you really want to do.
I am in full-spin.
And I had a therapy appointment today.
I told her that I could not work right now. That I had been unable to complete an excel sheet in the last 3 days. It really needs to get done.
Oh well, I told her. I just can’t right now. They’ll deal.
I’m taking the time I need.
I’ll get to it when I get to it.
Just like you get to me when you get to me.
I thought we were taking care of each other. I thought, we were taking turns. I was taking care of you - thinking you’d take care of me, not just at the basic level - not just a “meets expectations” without any discussion. I thought you cared like I care.
But you were just thinking of you. You thought that everyone was taking care of themselves, too.
You didn’t realize that I was playing by different rules.
Because you don’t understand diversity.
You think I’m like you, because I am white.
I am not like you.
A parallel world lives in my head.
You misunderstood kindness for weakness.
OK, if those are the rules…
I understand rules. I shall play by the rules then.
You misunderstood kindness for weakness.
I have news for you.
It am not weak - I am strong.
The only thing strong with you is Dunning-Kruger.
I am courageous - and I am still kind.
I think some of you are courageous and some of you are kind.
But too many of you were raised on survival rather than love.
I’m sorry about that - for you.
But that’s not my problem.
I had a therapy appointment today. I told her I could not work right now.
Then I told her about Germany, about walking home from the airport, about wanting to move - about the full spin. I told her about eating tacos and about telling people they abandoned me - about ending friendships and about a little boy with a poppy.
She had tears in her eyes at some point. She was so happy for me. At the end of the appointment she talked about how well I was doing.
I know.
I am not able to work and my therapist thinks I am doing great.
Hm…
Yes, she was listening. Yes, I agree.
She’s on my side.
Full spin continues - wheeee…
Your writing always draws me in straight away. I find myself re reading it every time. You're great 💕✨️